Is it relief? Or is it divine intervention?

It sounds as if someone is upstairs pulling drawers out of a dresser, pushing furniture around, and generally being inconsiderate of anyone searching for peace on the floor below. Can I push my frustrations upon this imaginary person? For truly, no one is upstairs doing those things, but the sound of the crashing waves of thunder pulling into the countryside is exactly the same.

Frustrations? What of them? Actually, I'm not really frustrated with any particular person, and not outwardly frustrated (I don't throw tantrums), but I keep churning the cauldron of 'shoulds' within myself.

'This career would be prestigious! I should do it!'
'This career would give me a nice chunk of change in the bank! I should do it!'
'This career would allow me to relax, and my doctor told me I need to take a break and relax, so I should do it'
'I should follow my heart and do what I love!!!'
'I should keep working, keep busy, I cannot be lazy!'
'I just found peace yesterday in not having the pressure of interviews and moving across the globe again for a few months, but I should accept this family's request for an interview tomorrow because I shouldn't turn down any possibility of employment'.

These shoulds make my heart clench. Even soaking in the Jacuzzi doesn't ease the knots in my shoulders.

Should! Should! Should!!!

I'm 'should-ing' all over myself, as a dear friend put it.

I got wrapped up with believing I could do anything I wanted, but when potential job opportunities didn't work out because of visa requirements, I found myself checked, and relieved, and grateful that Heavenly Father tenderly put out His hand to tell me to rest for a moment. Yes, I was very excited about the chance to go to Austria, and no it doesn't mean I cannot still go to Europe, but it did help me put things into perspective. I need a little rest. I can't figure out what I love to do if my mind is always worried about what I should do!

And though it is interesting to see if I could compete with the world's best governesses and nannies, I am not sure I want to go to 3 more years of school (nanny school in Bath, to be precise), after I've received my BA in TESOL Ed. The challenge was tempting (getting to be with famous families and to show them I can handle anything....proving to myself, always trying to prove myself). But now, I realize, I need a little more room to stretch and explore my options. There are so many things I love to do, but I can't enjoy any of them at the moment because I'm drowning in shoulds. Once I shoot the shoulds, I'll re-evaluate. In the meanwhile, I mean to put it all in the hands of the Lord, (yes I am doing my part), but I need to have more faith, and be more cheerful as a token of that faith, and relax. 

I need to find my smile and laugh again! And with the help of my hilarious family's antics, I think I'll be okay!